5 Reasons Why Bluntness Can Be Kindness
By Rebeca Alamo Gonzalez & Marina Brazeal
Blunt doesn’t equal rudeness. Instead, prioritize being direct about your needs- Oxford dictionary calls that being "uncompromisingly forthright". We believe in replacing the concept of "tell it like it is" with kind bluntness.
Many of us were taught to there was only one way to be assertive, and often came at the expense of others’ feelings. And that's just not the case, friend.
Here are 5 reasons why changing this approach could help create greater depth and fulfillment in relationships:
1. IT MAKES SPACE FOR HIDDEN TRUTHS
How many times have we silenced ourselves by automatically assuming our perspective is somehow less valid?
Sometimes what’s going on inside our mind is much more challenging to put into words. Asking yourself what you actually mean, is going to help you share your perspective clearly. This could bring an opportunity for getting curious with ourselves about where our point of view comes from and why. This self-awareness takes work but it reaps great benefits! How can we express our authentic truth if we don’t even know what that is for ourselves? If we must withhold some of the truth out of self-preservation at least let’s not lie to ourselves.
2. IT CAN MAKE COMMUNICATION MORE EFFECTIVE
Being blunt can help avoid confusion for listeners. If we don’t tiptoe around an issue, we may use fewer words, which reduces the chance of distraction for the other person. This can be SO hard for those of us who feel we wear the badge of "emotion" on our sleeve- we have to work harder to explain what others may never understand. This is where you ask yourself, "Is this relationship worth the work?" Emotional burnt-out is real, especially when others are unwilling to give you the foundation of safety necessary for vulnerability.
3. IT CAN SHOW CARE
As Brene Brown says “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” When we really care about someone, chances are we care that they understand us, even if that means doing more emotional labor to give them a clear picture of our perspective.
The hard truth for many of us is that despite all the kindness we want to extend to others, we often dance around issues primarily for the benefit of our comfort. We dare you to prioritize telling something real to someone who’s worth it. If the reaction is in fact uncomfortable then that is also helpful information for both parties to know.
4. IT CAN EMPOWER YOU
Bluntness supports strengthening boundaries and placing responsibilities in their true place. When we trust others with our truth, we are affirming their capacity to handle it. We are closer to accepting that their reaction, comfortable or uncomfortable, is their responsibility. Ours is to speak with honesty and integrity. Especially about our needs, otherwise, how do we expect them to be met?
5. MAKES LIFE BETTER FOR THE FUTURE YOU.
If we can muster the strength to have a brave, vulnerable conversation from the get-go, chances are, you are going to need fewer follow-up conversations about a complex topic. This gives future you more energy and time back for your own enjoyment!
It’s okay if these conversations don’t bear all the truth at once. As long as we are always trying our best, that should be enough. Who doesn’t make mistakes in conversations or change a perspective they were once very passionate about over time? Give yourself a strong foundation so that the next blunt conversation is easier.
