7 tips to get over a breakup
To love is to experience heartbreak. It’s the nature of love.
Then, why does it hurt so much? When we love, through positive experiences, we build an attachment to the target of our affection: people, animals, and places. This is reinforced by memories.
When we can no longer be together, we experience grief. This shows up as sadness, anger, and depressive energetic states.
The pain of grief is not based on the level of commitment of the relationship or its length but on what that relationship meant to us and its importance in our idea of happiness.
Here are some tips to help you heal from a breakup:
1) Create Space for Yourself
It is not always possible but It can be helpful to distance yourself from the person you cut ties with (physically and virtually)
2) Stay Engaged
Too much free time is not your friend in this case. Try to stay occupied with activities you enjoy to prevent your mind from wandering endlessly into negative thoughts.
3) Relax
Heartbreak can be exhausting! Find the time to decompress and release stress. For example, Enjoy a warm bath, make your favorite dish, or watch a heartwarming movie.
4) Connect
Your community and support system are there to remind you why you are loved and that you are not alone through this. If you don't have access to a community, connect with nature and the rest of the living beings that are also navigating what it is to be alive on this planet. You are never truly alone.
5) Sober-up
Even though numbing the pain away with substances, food or pleasure might be attractive; it will only worsen the feelings and delay your ability to heal. Self-reflect about where your relaxation starts becoming avoidant instead of a healthy break.
6) Feel all the feels
Allow yourself to experience all the emotions that show up without judgment. Reminding yourself that pain is not a punishment but a reminder of our capacity to love deeply. These feelings will not be here forever, but they will not leave if we don’t process them. They will get stuck in our bodies.
7) Allow for time
Time alone does not heal wounds but mixed with an open mind and a healthy attitude; it makes things better. The true power of time is in giving you a chance to see the issue from a different perspective and slowly fill in the blanks of how this was an important part of your journey, even if you may never know all the details about it. The biggest lie that heartbreak tells us is that we will never be loved or feel good again, but that is simply not true. Time passes, and things change.
I’ve experienced heartbreak on multiple occasions in my life, but especially during my divorce, where I remember clearly the sensation of the ground falling beneath my feet. It felt like the end of the world.
I can look back now, several years later, and feel compassion for myself for how difficult it was to lose who was at that time a source of joy in my life. But I also appreciate the perspective it gave me, the appreciation of the fleeting moments, and the understanding that grief is the price we pay for love, and it’s absolutely worth it.
Credit: Special thanks to Rebeca Alamo Gonzalez for helping me find the right tone and words for this piece.
